OK, but first the hagiographic filmstrip. "...his childhood was like any other..." <snort> Excuse me.
"In Chicago he would find a calling." Well, we are, after all, just a larger community that needs a little organizing.
Whew, glad that's over. We can fact-check it later. A story's just a story, after all, and remember, he's half Irish, so the story improves with the telling. Sometimes considerably.
Camera shots of the assembled dignitaries. Who does Biden remind me of? Oh, yeah....
Biden has that look on his face like he's enjoying the ride but he's not drinking the Kool-Aid, you know what I mean?
"Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you..." Is this teleprompter stuck or something?
Slurring his words: "historic slate of candidates" came out as "historic slave candidates." Took me a minute to sort that one out.
Am I the only one that understood "a government that... sits on its hands while a major American city drowns" as a rather unkind reference to Mayor Ray Nagin?
"On November 4th, we must stand up and say: 'Eight is enough.'" — Followed by big applause. I don't understand. Leslie, who follows pop culture so I don't have to, explains it was a reference to a TV sit-com. Alright. I still don't get it.
The camera keeps cutting away to close-ups of various people in the audience, each selected, apparently, for their, uh... uniqueness. I feel like I'm in the middle of a Delany novel, you know, where there's a character of each gender and at least one character who represents all four genders?
He's warming up. The first few minutes sounded memorized but now he's rolling.
"Change means a tax code that... [rewards] ...the American workers and small businesses who deserve it." Geez I hope he thinks I deserve it. Because last year, apparently, I did not.
Oh the places he'll go! The things he will do!
As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I'll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I'll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I'll invest 150 billion dollars...
Didn't know he had that kind of money.
...over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy — wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can't ever be outsourced.
You're hired! No, wait a minute....
And as someone who watched my mother argue with insurance companies while she lay in bed dying of cancer, I will make certain those companies stop discriminating against those who are sick and need care the most.
We could discriminate against healthy people instead!
...I will also go through the federal budget, line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work...
A line-item veto! Yes! Finally!
...because we cannot meet twenty-first century challenges with a twentieth century bureaucracy.
Or, for that matter, with nineteenth century ideas.
But we'll leave that argument for another day
I need more ice, and Barack Obama looks like he could use a drink himself.
I hope he gets one.