Friday, July 9, 2010
Off-Label Leg Tonic
I suffer from nocturnal leg cramps lately, a common old geezer's complaint. Naturally, I've tried everything. Calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium, vitamin B, vitamin E, hydration. Nothing seems to help, at least not consistently.
The only drug with proven efficacy for this malady is quinine, which is generally used to treat malaria. So naturally our FDA announced today that it will forbid the use of Qualaquin, a name-brand quinine drug, for "off-label" uses, that is, for treating anything other than malaria. You old guys can just suffer.
That leaves me two options. I could hang out in New Guinea until I contract malaria. That would only take a week or two, but I've already blown this year's travel budget on Alaska.
Or I could get my quinine from the local supermarket, in the form of tonic water, which contains quinine. To get a therapeutic dose I would have to consume somewhere between 18 and 36 ounces a day. In order to make tonic palatable, of course, you have to add Gordon's London Dry Gin and fresh squeezed limes.
Now that's a prescription I can live with.
The only drug with proven efficacy for this malady is quinine, which is generally used to treat malaria. So naturally our FDA announced today that it will forbid the use of Qualaquin, a name-brand quinine drug, for "off-label" uses, that is, for treating anything other than malaria. You old guys can just suffer.
That leaves me two options. I could hang out in New Guinea until I contract malaria. That would only take a week or two, but I've already blown this year's travel budget on Alaska.
Or I could get my quinine from the local supermarket, in the form of tonic water, which contains quinine. To get a therapeutic dose I would have to consume somewhere between 18 and 36 ounces a day. In order to make tonic palatable, of course, you have to add Gordon's London Dry Gin and fresh squeezed limes.
Now that's a prescription I can live with.
